Darius Vassell starts a blog about life as a pro-footballer in
Not many British children, in the budding days of their halcyon youth, dream wistfully of one day becoming a monolingual ex-England international footballer plying their trade in the lower reaches of the Super Lig. So it must have been an awakening of sorts when Ankaragucu came a-knocking — successfully it turned out — for the out-of-contract Darius Vassell at a point in his life when things already seemed to be taking a turn for the worse.
The Ankaragucu fans reacted to news of Vassell’s impending signing with what we can only describe as utter euphoria (much akin to the jubilation one feels after a particularly nasty and prolonged bout of projectile vomiting). Footage of such celebration is usually filler for newscasts detailing regime-changes and other massive cultural earthquakes, so it’s no insult to suggest that for Vassell this seems somewhat misplaced. Even if he does an insane skill like this every week.
Predictably, it’s not all fun and (football) games (…see what we did there?). The blog that Vassell has started up is hilarious for its blend of strange detail and frankly bizarre reflections, while at the same time has an air of resignation and melancholy about it that tells of a broken man seeking to piece together the shards of a life that once held so much promise. After the initial comedy of reading “I really hate losing football matches, so i just stayed in my hotel room for 3 days running now…”, it makes for some depressing viewing, rather like the feeling of sitting in the bath and letting the water slowly drain out (ten points if you get that reference). Par example:
“My dog has swollen glands, and theres a risk of Lymphoma... ive researched this and its not good.”
“The journey home seemed alot longer [than the reverse journey], but im currently watching season 3 of Dexter so that passes the time well”
Needless to say, we’ll be supporting this cultural learning mission by keeping up with Vass’s (hopefully) successful career path and saying, as one, that we are with you Darius, welcome to the World Republic of Bloggers, welcome comrade, brother, friend!
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