The Rowdhouse Playlist

Yep, we're those guys... Yeah, you know... the one's that go to a party and make a really unsubtle move towards the music all the while thinking we're being the smoothest muthafucking attendees in the place when this is, of course, a sad illusion.


So, to cut to the chase. If we do come to your party or your wondering if you want to come to ours*, the playlist we've linked to below is what will be playing. We've done a version on Spotify for now but have plans to get (via the boys at The Dog and Pony Show) a proper mix together that you can download at the click of a button and all that jazz.


So, all you need do is (hopefully--we're not tekkies at all) click on the link below and... BRING ON THE WALL!


The Rowdhouse Playlist


PS- let us know your feedback (BELOW), we'll add the decent suggestions that we've no doubt missed out and release an edited version later on?


* Whether marathon sessions of Harry Hill clips on Youtube count as parties we're not so sure.

Meat is the new Bread.

To quote one Tracy Jordan; "Bread is one of the worst things in the world". He couldn't be more right. Fuck Bread. Bread has for too long now ruled the noble sandwich with an iron fist of yeast based autocracy, with the full backing of "The powerful Bread lobby" (Dr Leo Spacemen). Well no longer Bread, no longer shall you plague our sandwiches, for we have a new leader. A man so powerful, so righteous, so in touch with the zeitgeist of modern life that he has instigated a world-wide rebellion. He goes by many name's; The Original, The Southern Bell, Chicken 'not so little' Sanders, The Mississippi Knight, El Pollo Loco, The Crispy Duke, Ol' Fry Bucket. We however know him simply as; The Colonel.

KFC will, in just a few hours release a sandwich that will change the face of sandwich's forever...The KFC Double-Down Sandwich. Containing no bread what-so-ever, the KFC DDS utilizes 'two thick and juciy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce. This product is so meaty, there's no room for a bun!' (KFC Website).

Witness...

Eating this sandwich is apparently the equivalent of eating two English Breakfasts, six plates of Shepherd's Pie, two portions of fish and chips, eight doughnuts, two and a half Mars bars (a shocking 512 calories each), or two Big Mac's. So as you can see The DDS is a clear winner, screaming over the finish line of 'the deliciousness marathon' (not and actual event. Yet.) hours before it's withering, weak willed competitors.

The King is dead. Long live The King.

The Greatest Song Ever Written- Insane Clown Posse.

Insane Clown Posse now only make music in Space, one thousand years in the future atop of inverted, neon pyramids. The song exists beyond our abilities of comprehension and instead moves us into a new state, a state of total and pure being where the body is both obsolete and perfect. This is a utopian hyper-reality where science has been discredited and reduced the whimpering, beaten child that it will surely become. For Insane Clown Posse do not fuck around with science and these arrogant god's of certainty. No, they have discovered the true underlying mechanism that unfolds the modus operandi of this infinite and terrifying universe; Mother-Fucking-Magic (and miracles, don't forget miracles).

In this revelation Insane Clown Posse ask the vital questions we need to know the answers to; like "Fucking magnets how do they work?" Who knows ICP, who knows? They draw our attention to the fact that "Magic is everywhere in this bitch" and that it should not be questioned by contrary scientists who just want to piss us all off. Experience the wonderment, the magnitude, the glorious and eternally burning sun-moon of our collective, harmonious future, where KKK-Clown Wizards concoct beautiful and harrowing experiments with the dark matter of our very souls. Revel in the jubilation of billions, of haunted ghost stars and super-nova spells. Cast your mind into the danger-zone of the blackest of all magic. This is Insane Clown Posse, and your soul belongs to them.

The worst song ever written.

Occasionally a band comes along that changes the face of music forever. A band that blurs genre's in a perfect and heady concoction that leaves you and your friends gasping on your knees like a pack half puking, half crying piss-mutts, begging with your tongues and your bodies for just one more song. Final Placement, a Christian rock group hailing from Midland Texas are not one of those bands. There's nothing particularly offensive about them, they doesn't polarize people, they're not even crassly mediocre. They're just really really shitty.

We (in the Royalist of senses) were in a punk band when we were 15. It was called Cutout and we sucked hard. We did even manage to get on a local compilation with a song called Clowns. The point being, we understand what it's like to be in terrible bands when you're a teenager, some would say it's even a right of passage, so in a strange way we feel for these young chaps. The difference being however, we had the foresight to burn, bury or ingest any evidence of our flirtations with the horror show that was our band. Final Placement put their's on Youtube.

To be fair this might actually be a joke, a satirical jab at people who feel the need to slam bands that no-one has heard of on a blog that no-one has ever read. The problem being, we here at The Mansion have become detached to the point of autism (that line is stolen from somewhere, we can't remember where) so are hanging up the gloves, in the ring of 'trying to understand what the fuck is real and what is fake on the internet' so have decided there's no point anymore. The only thing that suggests to us it might be real is that the band removed the video from youtube after receiving what can only be described as a tidal-wave of degrading abuse from Internet folk, only to put it back up when they realised that it made them look like a bunch of tiny bitches. Our personal favourite is from Tommy Briscoe who quips;

"This is a joke right? A bunch of talentless god botherers, that's all we need!! Why doesn't anyone tell these idiots that rock and roll wasn't meant for them. Now go get me a fire breathing whore!!!"

Oh Tommy, you card.

It might be a joke, it might not be, who cares? Here's Final Placement with their new single Shine. In store's probably never.

This might become a rolling topic. If you know of any bands that are so shocking that they need to be brought to the attention of other Internet people then post them below and we'll showcase the shit out of them.

Clash! Of! The! Titans! in! 3D!

Has anyone gone to a 3D film yet? Well, we did and it's very weird. You get a little packet with a pair of glasses in them and you sit down through the adverts wondering when the 3D will start [it tells you glaringly by the way]. When it does you feel a bit sick, right?

Well, that goes away after a while but basically it's only 3D in close-up and mid-range shots. Which only makes the long distance shots look all the flatter. Also if there is any hint of shakey-cam then the whole thing makes no sense whatsoever. This may be that the 3D was super-imposed later rather than being shot in 3D like say, Avatar, but perhaps we should watch more 3D.

But we digress... You're all dying to know what Clash of the Titans is like right? Of course, who wouldn't? Well, it makes no sense at all. Perseus (Sam Worthington) is a demi-god who, with the help of the other demi-god (played by Gemma Arterton), kind of wage war on the gods that no one likes. Throw in Liam Neeson (Zeus) and Ralph Fiennes (Hades) and you've got a blockbuster!

[As an aside where the fuck is Sam Worthington from? Australia? London? South Africa? San Fran... Oh, he was born in Surrey and schooled in Australia. Well, he sounds fucking weird.]

Now, the film kind of insists that the hero does things "as a man" and that he is NOT a god. But in the end he's all for the gods. If anyone has a idea was happens inbetween then let us know...

BUT... Tiny-fucking-Fey is on Jonathan Ross. Let's go watch!